Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
