I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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