hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
