I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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