we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
