I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So vagazzling was a success
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
