I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
