and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
