it was like his penis was on wheels.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
