I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
