im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
