Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
