Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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