I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
