Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
