dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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