God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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