I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
