I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
