Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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