I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
