The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
