i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
