11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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