It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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