I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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