you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
