So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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