Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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