we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
