Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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