The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
