That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
