Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
