Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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