if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
no you cant smoke seaweed
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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