my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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