I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
