Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
