There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
