I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
