at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
