But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
