Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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