i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
