It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
