Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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