i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
