Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
