The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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