I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
