She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
As shirtless as possible
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
