I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
