Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
