A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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