if only i could text you this smell
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
