the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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